then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
