oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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