She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want her autograph on my taint
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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