apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
