no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
