I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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