If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
