so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
