I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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