Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
did i walk over a car last night?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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