i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
