can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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