and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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