i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
