69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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