would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
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