ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
