Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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