I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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