she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
