His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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