Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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