you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
