Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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