just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
