Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it hurts more in the daytime
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
