You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
