I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm at about main and main street
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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