You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
