Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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