Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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