i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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