the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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