i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
