i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
