just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
