goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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