Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
