There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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