How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
