So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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