Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
