I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
