Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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