I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
