Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
