I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
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He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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