I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
