Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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