I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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