I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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