Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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