So drunk its hurt
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
