i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
