i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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