Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
