some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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