Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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