I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I think my vagina is haunted
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He literally asked permission to hit on me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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