obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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