my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
