New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
