I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
