There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
