it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
