you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
