Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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