when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
