you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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