So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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