You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
