Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
