Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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