just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
