dude i'm inner monologue high
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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