Cold hands, warm shart.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
