So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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