quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
