cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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