I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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