this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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